Prenatal depression gets some attention. And why I’ve been hiding.

I have been hiding for these past few weeks. At BlogHer, I overdid the walking in the no-support-but-very-cute ballet flats and got myself some seriously swollen ankles and feet. Ouch! Then I came home and slept for about three days. In the week that followed, I had time to think about all the amazing women I had met and their amazing blogs and feel, well, not so amazing by comparison. I was so pumped while I was there! And then I felt so inadequate when I came home. I still feel inadequate. But, I love my little blog with few readers and no advertisers, so I am going to keep writing. That is the beauty of this whole enterprise. No one can stop me!

First, I want to let you all know about an amazing series of articles written by Jessica Grosse for Slate called Not Just the Pregnancy Blues. There are three. They aren’t very long. Do read all three!

I really have nothing to add to the brilliant reporting Grosse has done, except that I am so grateful to her for bringing this to the public eye. Many of you have written to me with stories similar to those she shares; my hope is that one day, no woman will stand for it when a care provider brushes off her concerns and feelings. Which brings me to the other reason I have come back…

You. Those of you who come back here, who have shared your stories with me in comments or email or on Facebook or Twitter–you are amazing. This has been a gathering place of sorts, and I do not want to give that up. Especially when the comments sections that adorn any Slate piece attract any and all variety of mean and nasty. If you want to talk about Grosse’s writing, I suggest you send her email if it’s about her or comment here if it’s on the general topic. Do. Not. Look. At. The. Comments.

For anyone curious about pregnancy news: there is no real news! Which is good news! I am 30 weeks, 4 days, so we’re in the home stretch. My belly is beautiful and round and getting bigger every day. I can feel my baby moving a lot, which is really reassuring. I’ve been super lucky to have had, well, almost no symptoms. No heartburn, no constant aches or pains, just glorious pregnancy! I think more pregnant women would feel good if they could sleep whenever they wanted and never had to leave the house except for midwife appointments… I’m very grateful that, physically, I am darn good at this pregnancy thing. Mentally, I’m doing well. I have my days. My therapist has been on vacation which I do not like! But I suppose therapists are people, too, and probably need vacations more than most. I suck at leaving the house. I suck at getting enough exercise.

I am loving HypnoBirthing–the class, the book and the CD. That deserves a whole post of its own, but it actually relaxes me! I know, I was shocked, too! I put on the relaxation CD and I relax and fall asleep and wake up relaxed! I was feeling very scared of the birth and of life after my sweet baby was no longer so deeply connected to me. But our instructor/doula and the affirmations that are part of the HypnoBirthing technique have helped me become very excited and confident.

Finally, here’s a picture from early July that shows off how fabulous I look in general and how round and awesome my belly is. I had to cut out the other people, because I don’t have their permission to put pictures of them here, so I apologize for the poor quality.

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Comments

  1. kaciacoconut says

    Please don’t stop writing. :) I went through the same “pause” after attending my first blogher – I was so inspired, yet so scared and feeling really inadequate. And I still go through those times…

    And um…hello GAWGEOUS pregnant you!!!

    And thank you for being so vulnerable and real in your writing – you are helping others believe that they’re not alone, giving them the confidence to share as well!

    • says

      Thank you so much. I know that not everyone has the freedom to be so open, but there’s nothing I could put up here that would hurt my loved ones. Since they already know so much and I don’t mind sharing so much, I get to say what I want here. I do not intent to stop writing!

      And I do feel gawgeous!

  2. Rachael @ The Variegated Life says

    Oh, drat. Looking at your photo now, I realize that you must have been
    sitting right behind me during the panel on celebrating your small blog.
    I wish that I had had a chance to meet you.

    Oh and I hope that you do continue to enjoy your pregnancy! It’s so
    lovely and so weird to be that close to another person. And now I look
    at my nearly 4-yo boy and think, YOU were in MY BELLY? Inconceivable!
    Except, of course, it was conceivable. Literally.

    • says

      I was the one in the panel who said um, hello! some of us have small blogs because we intentionally write for a niche! I felt like the questions & comments were headed in a not so celebratory tone for a minute there, although I did like the panel. I wish I had met you, too, although I have a stack of business cards 2 inches thick, so this might be a better way to meet for now. That way, at some future conference, I’ll have a point of reference!

      I think all the time about how this being whose body I can feel within my body was 2 cells and now has a skeleton and brain with wrinkles and probably even dreams on a different sleep cycle than mine. How is this possible?!

  3. says

    I love that you are so clear in what this blog is, even if it’s a “niche.” I think it’s an important niche, I suppose since I’m in it! I have been missing you, but you’re doing important baby growing work. Oh, and GAWGEOUS was exactly what I was going to type, even before I saw the other comments. :)

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