This is No Honeymoon: My Second Trimester & the Return of Anxiety

I have been avoiding writing this post, because it means admitting to the world what I have only admitted to a few loved ones.

My anxiety is back. I stay up late worrying about things like whether I need to send a gift to the anniversary party we’re not going to or if a card will suffice. I am convinced, daily, that when I show up to work, I will be promptly fired, for no particular reason. Worst of all, I am not hungry the way I was in the first trimester of this pregnancy. I have to remind myself to eat, and it is hard to work up the energy to eat well enough to take good care of Bug. (I have eaten three pastries today, and it is barely 5 pm.)

I will see my psychiatrist tonight, and we will increase the dosage of one medication or the other. There are two factors working against me, here. First, the hormones that raged during my first 12-13 weeks seem to have helped my anxiety. Those slow down during trimester two. The second is that, in pregnancy, the amount of blood in my body will end up increasing by 50%. That dilutes the medication, according to my psychiatrist.

Then, there’s the sleep. I was so exhausted during those first months, that I passed out each night before 10 pm and slept like the dead. Now, worries can keep me awake.

I have read that the second trimester is the “honeymoon period” – no more morning sickness, more energy, better hair, better skin, better nails, whatever. Yeah, my hair looks pretty fabulous lately. But I never had morning sickness, and my job includes taking naps with the baby I take care of. For whatever reason, the hormones I got with my pregnancy did me a world of good. Isn’t there some way to inject those, now that they are less intense? Oh, well. It would probably be bad for the baby.

I had a lovely vacation. Now, back to reality. So much for that honeymoon.

7 Comments

  1. @letsdothistrish said:

    All I can do is assure you honey, every pregnancy is different and not everyone has a honeymoon trimester. I didn’t with my youngest because my husband was battling heart, liver & kidney failure. Anxiety is normal. You’ll be okay. You are okay. Youre in my thoughts & prayers.

    May 16, 2012
    Reply
    • Anne-Marie said:

      Thanks, Trish! It’s not a huge tragedy. It’s a lot like life before pregnancy, only now I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant! I am completely fine, just disappointed.

      May 16, 2012
      Reply
  2. Missy said:

    I battle this, too, and I dread talking about it because nearly every single person out there will say something to try to convince me that this isn’t real.  It is real.  And, no, it is NOT normal.  And that is okay.  It’s okay to not be normal. It’s okay to need to focus on yourself more than other people.  It’s okay to need to watch your diet more than most, and it’s okay to need meds, even while pregnant!   Love and hugs, from somebody who has been there.  

    May 16, 2012
    Reply
    • Anne-Marie said:

      It’s hard not to feel like the only one when someone or other says “Hey, you’re in the honeymoon period! You’re feeling great, right?” I smile and say yes. But this blog has become a nice little corner for those of us who know that there is no “normal” to gather and share our stories. Thank you for sharing yours. Love and hugs to you, too!

      May 16, 2012
      Reply
  3. Leah Marie said:

    Ah, I’m so sorry.  I know you must feel disappointed that the peace did not last the whole pregnancy.  But you will be okay, which I’m sure you also know.  Just take care of yourself.  And take it from a hyperemesis girl: do the best you can at eating regularly and healthily, but KNOW that your baby will be fine with the best you can do.  I loose weight when pregnant and birthed two healthy boys.  

    I’m rooting for you and I’ll be praying for you.

    May 16, 2012
    Reply
    • Anne-Marie said:

      Thanks, hon. It’s odd, but I am not at all worried about the baby or being a mother. I am, you are exactly correct, disappointed that my respite did not last for the whole pregnancy. 

      And by the way, having read about HG, I would rather have anxiety. When I first heard about “morning sickness” (ha!) times a hundred for an entire pregnancy, I could not believe that such a cruel affliction would just strike hapless pregnant women, seemingly at random. I mean, why hasn’t evolution eradicated that?!

      May 17, 2012
      Reply
  4. Suzy said:

    Hi if anyone at all is still following this thread,can someone help me.
    My so called honeymoon period is nothing like it.
    Have had such a bad start to the seconds trimester,no sleep and palpitations and nightmares.running around from Gynae to psychiatrist to psychologist.
    No cure waiting for some magic to happen.can someone tell me what exactly can be done ?

    February 3, 2017
    Reply

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